I hate this feeling

I don't understand why people don't listen to what I say.

I don't understand why people can't trust what I say.

When I say it doesn't work that way, it really doesn't work that way.

When I say it can be done better that way, it really can be done better that way.

When I say I'm not going behind your back, I really am not going behind your back.

Why is it so hard to trust me?

Why won't you listen to me?

Am I really that stupid?

Work Stress!!

I'm stressed at work.

I have too much task in hand till I didn't know which came 1st.

There are too many places to be at once and too many people asking for me.

There are too many responsibilities to bear and no one is willing to lighten that burden.

A part of me wished I could just care less.

For many times, I have wished I could split into 2 or 3 person.

And a part of me wished that I could just walk out and end this.

Lonely

I am in need of a best friend.

I feel that I don't have anyone I could share my life with...

well, leave out my bf for now.

But doesn't everyone have some close girlfriends?.... I loved having someone that I could chit chat with, share every thought with and laugh about everything. Go shopping with, and say out whatever that's on our minds.

But it seems that I can't click with anyone around me anymore. My best friends moved far away from me and everyone else seem so far away. People who were once close seems different now, too, busy with their own lives. And I'm lost.

Have I been so out of touch? Have I been so selfish about my personal time and not spend enough time? Or am I becoming easily irritated? Did I become more and more picky on friends? Or am I becoming weird? Is there something wrong with me?

Sometimes, even though I try to fit in, I still feel that I'm being left out. I feel that maybe they didn't like me. Maybe I'm just an outsider. Maybe I'm not welcomed.

Someone once told me, they felt that I'm quite restricted. Maybe that could be the reason. Maybe I pushed them away. Maybe I've built up an invisible wall around me that no one could come close. A wall that I myself didn't notice. A wall that has caused me my loneliness....

Maybe I just need to relax. Maybe I just need to loosen up...

And hopefully soon, I can have my best friends back...

Him

I was looking through some of my old files and folders today... just doing some cleanups and organizing. I stumbled upon a file I saved a long time ago. It was part of a conversation I had with a friend about what I look for in a boyfriend. I don't quite remember why I saved it, maybe trying to remind myself of what I wanted or who I used to be. But now I'm glad I did.

...
wysun_53: I want someone who loves me for who I am
wysun_53: someone who can cheer me up when I'm down
wysun_53: sense of humour
wysun_53: romantic...
wysun_53: caring, helpful, friendly
wysun_53: humble... with self confidence...
wysun_53: makes me feel important
wysun_53: doesn't care much about appearance and yet is well presentable
wysun_53: have matured thinking and reasons with me till i understand... and till we meet an agreement
wysun_53: respects me for my decisions
wysun_53: doesn't smoke
wysun_53: can drink.. but not drunk... and lets me get drunk when i want to... and take care of me in that situation
friend: hehe.. thats an impressive list....
wysun_53: gentleman
...

Looking at this. I'd say I'm pretty demanding! And probably such person might never even exist! At least not for me...

But I found him...

And I love him.

Happy Birthday Elsie!

Happy birthday to my friend, Elsie! 30th of June was her 24th birthday! Ops... sorry to have announced it to the world hehe! Well, anyway when you're with her, you won't feel that she's 24 already. She's still the chirpy, funny, always-excited girl, who shrieks at every exciting thing, and laughs loudly at every funny joke, compared to the old, grumpy me. And God I'm even younger than her! Must really get the remedy off her as how to run away from aging! haha! urgh! I have dark under circles already. Maybe I should get extra eye treatment during my next facial visit. :) .... *imagining money flying out the window* :(

Ever since Elsie changed her job and started working in.... somewhere in between Seremban and Nilai, I seldom got the chance to meet up with her. She goes home to somewhere in Shah Alam during the weekends and seldom comes down to KL anymore! :( But anyway, Fei and I went out with her last night, for dinner and chats, but ended up watching football at a mamak. And I watched my 1st football match during this year's World Cup event. :P

Well, you can't exactly blame me, I don't really know about football and what are the skills that involved in this game, other than the skill that players have to act in an agony of pain rolling on the floor when tripped or smacked by another player. hehe... I started off thinking Brazil was either the blue or white shirt team but soon found out that Brazil wasn't even playing in the game. heh... Hmm... Both Elsie and Fei, experts in football, had to explain to me what the game was about during the start of the game. And I'm proud to be able to say now that I know what does 4-4-2 means, how the ball could turn like shaolin soccer, and which angle of the field that when defending team kick the ball out of the field so that opponents don't get to kick from the corner of the field. Hmm... I'm not sure if you get what I'm saying but, its complicated.

Its a great game at a great atmosphere especially when Argentina and Germany had a tie 1-1 during the game and had to proceed to the penalty kicks. Most of the other customers in mamak supported Germany, don't know why, since they weren't really that good actually, while I supported Argentina, don't know why, since they don't really have good looking players. And everyone oohhed and ahhed whenever the player striked a goal or nearly did, which I happily joined in the fun :P

It was during the 1st goal that Argentina made, that suddenly a camera man and a guy holding a mic with rtm logo on it, came by to our table and asked if they could do an interview with us! (We already noticed them going around asking for other interviews but I was silently praying that they wouldn't stop at our table) They interviewed Fei and Elsie seperately, asking them question of why they come to mamak to watch the World Cup, how did they like the atmosphere and the sorts, while I tried to hide my laughters behind! haha! The guy asked Elsie why she came to this mamak for football, and she said her driver (Fei) brought her to it and thus she's there! hahahaha! Omg, that was so hilarious! haha! He wanted to interview me, but I had violently shaked my hands and head to say no and luckily he let me go and went off to prey for another victim. *pheww!*

The interview is going to be on TV at 1pm news today! But none of us would be watching it... since I'm going out with Elsie anyway. Too bad... haha!

As most of you should know by now. Argentine lost the game during the penalty kicks. They missed 2 out of 4 kicks, while Germany sent the ball straight into the goal every time without fail. Too bad for them even though I thought they played quite well during the game. Every one was happy that Germany won, except a guy sitting in front of us who supported Argentina as well, and that Elsie thought he was cute heehe!

Watching football is fun. And I really did enjoy it, but I still wouldn't really switch on the tv just to watch a bunch of guys running around with the ball. I really hope Elsie enjoyed it too! Happy birthday again girl! Muacks! ;)

Negative post

Wow, its been so long since I've really blogged. I don't even know how to start. Too many things that I really want to write down. But yet there are too many things I dare not to. I'd really want to share my problems to the world, have people to comment and give me advice. But ironically I'm afraid to open up myself to the world. I could still remember clearly what a friend had once said, "Don't write all your problems on your blog, it shows your negative sides and people may judge you according to that". I think that's mainly the reason why I hadn't been blogging for the past few months (other than the fact that I'm lazy and busier now).

I know I shouldn't be blogging a negatively sad posts. But I am desperate for a place of refuge. Living in a fast-paced life, I find it difficult to find a true friend and have a heart to heart session... someone I could really trust, someone who is willing to spend time and sit with me for hours, until I am ready to open up to you... Even if friends have the heart to share, time seldom make way. I know, if you're one of my closer friends, maybe you would think, "What is so hard about it? You could always tell me about it". But believe me, words don't come easy for me. And anyway, who likes a sulking face? I strive hard to be the cheerful little girl I once was... with the now smudged 'happy go lucky' motto I carry around.

Its really unhealthy I know. I could feel these negative feelings reflecting on my life. I force a smile every once in a while. I feel fake. I let my temper take lead sometimes at home or when I'm driving (you'd be glad that I'm not tailing your car). I'm getting tired of socializing. I'm becoming more ignorant. I feel older. I feel less confident. Sadly, I feel less motivated at work. I had even thought of going to meet a psychiatrist. But seriously, am I really that sick? RAHH!! *pulls hair* ... Oops! *fixes hair* ... No, I'm not crazy, yet...

I think all I need is a break. A break from everything. A time for me to just relax my mind. Free of stress, free of work, free from peer pressure, free of people, free from problems... free...

However, the more I shy away from people, the more I am saddened by the feeling that I'm beginning to neglect the friendship between us. I'm that self-centred bitch who only have time for herself, that ignores the fact that our friendship needs nurturing as well. Is this where we learn about balancing? Between time for ourselves and time for others? Sadly, time never seem to be enough. Never ever...

hmm...

Well, its time for me to go now, till my next post. Time for me to think about my life and what to do with it. Time for me to stop mourning about the past and strive for a happier future. Thank you all for spending time to read through my rant.... I'm feeling much better now. May you have a beautiful future as well.

Good night.

Greece (Final part!..... finally :P)

Day 6 (15th of April)

After breakfast, we dashed off to begin our sight seeing again. The place we're about to visit today is a truly amazing one. We're going to visit 2 monasteries on top of the gigantic rocks, Meteora.

See if you can spot 3 monasteries in the picture above! :P And in the picture below, beside my sister, there's this big hole in the rock. That's the prison for monks who lived in the monasteries. Monks who wanted to think over his wrongdoings or maybe receive the word of God will climb and stay in that hole for a long time. The hole is actually quite high and the way there is very steep. So if they slip and fall, that's be the end for them la.

Its really quite amazing how they could build these on top of these rocks.

The 1st monastery, Varlaam.

Before the stairs and walkway were built, they use to lift things up from the bottom using a lift from the balcony. They lift up food, building materials and even human!

Girls are not allowed to wear pants into the monasteries. They failed to inform us earlier to bring skirts, so we had to wear some wrap-around skirts provided by them.

Inside the monastery, the walls were painted with beautiful pictures all over - Jesus' picture, the judgement day and some other famous ones too. But we weren't allowed any photo shots. Too bad!

Our next stop, Holy Monastery of Saint Stephen.

More paintings inside. No photos allowed again. Well, we got at least a bit.

That's all for Meteora Monastery. We headed down, and journeyed our way back to Athens. A statue of Leonidas on the way to remember his bravery during war times.

That night we went up some hill (argh! I forgot its name!) overlooking Athens. It was beautiful. And we could see Acropolis far away.

Day 7 (16th of April)

Its cruising day! We visited 3 islands today boarding on Anna Maru.

A nice comfy cruise ship. Well, quite crowded too.

Our 1st stop island is Paros. We were only given 30 minutes on this island. Pretty short for some curious tourist I would say, but the purpose was to let us go up to its clock tower for the views.

Pretty nice heh.

After that, we had lunch on board and they had some stage performance. There were greek dance and greek music... pretty entertaining. The greek singer even sang 2 mandarin songs! That, certainly impressed all chinese on board.

Our next stop was Mikonos. A very beautiful town, with lots of cute cats! Yeah, cats. I don't know why, but there are just so many cats around, and they are really cute, fluffy and cuddly! Some sitting around, some playing and chasing each other around the harbour, some sleeping on couches and even flower pots! Oo... I love this place :D

Other than cats, donkeys are also a common animal around here. Not stray donkeys of course :P They use donkeys as transportation.

The islands are famous for the beauty of the buildings. There's a beauty in the way they paint them, in the narrow lanes. Indescribable.

They were selling these pictures everywhere. I really wanted to get one for myself. But they're just expensive! Forget it, I'll just snap a photo of it! :P

The 3rd island is more commercialized, more shops, more people. We were to spend one and a half hours here. The cruise also offers sight seeing packages on the island. However, we decided on it too late, and the tour was already fulling booked. So we just went around on our own. The island was famous for their pistachio nuts, and of course, we went to scout around for the cheapest pistachio nuts around town.... Typical Malaysian chinese huh.

We got off the cruise and headed straight for dinner... Chinese food, requested by most of our group members, coz too sick of Greek food! haha :P Well, can't blame us, we had that for the past 5 days.

We went back to stay at Hotel Ariston and mom fell sick :( She caught Greece flu! Poor thing.

Day 8 (17th of April)

Today we will head home! :( Head back to work... :(( The trip seemed so short now. Too short!

But before that, we visited around Athens, the tour we missed on day 1. The Olympic stadium in Athens!

On the bus ride, we saw...

A non-moving guard that stands outside the House of Parliament. Too bad we didn't get to snap photos with them or disturb them :P

Nice buildings...

Our next stop would be the long awaited Acropolis! In Greek, 'acro' means top and 'polis' means city. So Acropolis basically meant 'on top of the city'. Unfortunately, when we arrived, they were in the process of restoring the buildings. So there are quite a lot of construction frames around. Not exactly a very pretty sight la.

I'm touching the Temple of Athina!

A theatre beside the temple.

And we could see the remains of Temple of Zeus not far away.

Erechtheion, a building beside Temple of Athina, which was built for Goddess worshipping.

Well, a picture of how Acropolis looks like now from above. Very nice. Very expensive. *click* I have the picture now! hehe

This is how Acropolis is suppose to be.

We headed down to town to do some last minute shopping, and had our lunch at a Greece famous fast food chain, Goodys. Its not bad at all. They should open a chain here :P

And that's the end of our trip! :( I'll miss Greece....

Hmm.. where shall I go next? kekeke...