Going home...

Some of you may know... I've been really lost lately, mainly not sure of what lies ahead of me. Not sure whether to further my studies? or to start earning my own money? So many different routes i can take, so many different things to consider. Its just such a tough decision to make... not being sure of which one will work out the best for me. I even worked out a 7-page plan to see what will happen if I were to stay in Australia or go home to Malaysia :P haha yes! my own version of requirement specifications.... 'Planning is the act of establishing the means of attaining strategic objectives' - adapted from Network Planning lectures. (Sorry my mind goes abit nuts when I study too much) :P

Well, being a Christian sure didn't make it any easier... I had to learn to trust in God to lead me and learn how to wait for His signals! huh..... me being a person who likes to lead my own life... God sure did squeeze out much impatience in me. But God sent friends for comfort and even help me sort out my mind...

Yian gave me a verse ... 'commit to the Lord whatever you do, and all your plans will succeed.' And I realized.... that it doesn't really matter what you do... but the most important of all is... what's our motive in doing it? Is it for God's goodness? Or is it for our own selfish ways? Is God in the picture of our plan? Learn to put Him in the picture. He will bless our plans if we bless Him in our plans. :)

So..... I thought through the details... called home.... and finally I made my decision to go home. I'm not exactly sad or anything... but I know I will miss everything here. And everyone.

And well actually 2 days ago I went around reading other people's blogs. I know I know... I should be studying hard. In fact I've been studying... just on different materials :P Anyway my decision to go home is something that I want to do for my own life... I think my going home is what my mom wants.... I've even think my going home is what God wants...... but this post in my friend's blog gave me another view... Is my going home = what Malaysian government wants??? Very interesting topic. Have a read and tell me what you think. :) Have a great week! God bless...

Happy happy joy joy

hmmm.... I'm glad I woke up happy today. I don't know why..... I didn't dream of any happy things. In fact this is not my happy period.... especially with all the exams coming up, Elin left home for good, and Joyce not back here yet. But anyway, I'm sick and tired of being sad and low. Blogging my sad moments online does make me feel better.... however it also made lots of ppl worry for me... hmmm.......

I remember my happy times during school days... and I wonder.... how did I manage to be so jolly and happy all the time? What was my secret? I use to wear an invisible banner "happy go lucky" on my forehead. Where is that banner now? Left lying somewhere in my closet?? I guess was too 'blinded' to see it there. What do you expect? Its invisible! Well... of course I know that I didn't so much to worry about then. But....... whether you wanna live your life happily is a choice, isn't it? Whether you wanna see things optimistically is your own choice, right?

And I just hope I could be the one who'd bring joy and laughter into people's life. If I ever forgotten this again... please help remind me.... "I make my choice to be happy today"

Painful experience

When I look at what she's going through now, memories kept replaying in my head. I tried to give all I could to comfort her... just like what I needed.

Maybe this is why it happened to me a year ago. To reach out those who undergoes the same situation.

Its not easy. Its very difficult. Its like I'm reliving the past again. Its like another cut on your previous wound. Painful. I didn't have much close friends in Brisbane then... which made it even harder. No shoulder to cry on, no one to put me to sleep, no one to cry with me, no one seem to understand... Sometimes I ask why must it be me? I don't want to have such experience. I can't bare this sadness. But what choice do I have heh? A route I'm forced to take.

Right now I just wish I could be there for her... reach out to her.... let her know that indeed she's not alone... help her up again...

And I understand why I'm given the task that I'm given.

I understand.

Only the strong would be able to rejoice during hard times. Let us all learn this together....

I want to go home

Its been horrible these few days. Nothing seem to be right. Event after event drag me down even more.

why is it that before happiness there is always suffering? why is it that when there a rise, there would be a fall?

When is the roller coaster ride got to end?

I can't take it anymore.

I want to go home.