I've lost it
I've lost it.
I've lost my connection with God.
Though I go to church every Sunday, I don't feel so close to Him anymore. Maybe its because of my sins. Maybe its because of my past failure to follow His words. Has God given up on me?
I know that as a Christian, we ought to grow up. From baby to children of God. But sometimes I just wish I could be a baby forever. Then I won't need to initiate conversation with other church members. Then I won't be tied down with church responsibilities.
I ran away.
I ran away from making the connection with other church members... and I've lost it.
I wish I could be more outgoing.
My sister called home just now. I'm so glad that she's getting more active in church and hangs out with church friends more often. She's a younger Christian than I am, and she still asks me about prayers and stuff. But somehow I felt that I have no right to teach anyone about Christ, since I'm not that good myself.
I miss Lorraine.
posted by Amanda at 12:34 AM
10 Comments:
Has God given up on me?
Nope. I know that for sure. He never does that. No matter how far we go, He's always waiting for us to come back.
'Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us more.'
'Grace means there is nothing we can do to make God love us less.'
God is love ;)
No one stays a baby forever. Babies are meant to grow up to be useful people. But it's never too late to start growing up, like Pastor Kelly said yesterday, even at 101, a Christian can still be serving God. However, why wait? Why not start pleasing God now? Why not enjoy abundant life, fulfilled and satisfied?
I am still looking for that, but I know that it will only come when I'm serving God. I know I can never find fulfillment in friends, or drinking or smoking or anything else, except God.
Don't need to depend on your shepherd to do all these. If you need encouragement, support or guidance, I am always here for you. So is Ash, EK or any of the leaders....
Yo... Commandment #11: Thou shalt not believe the devil and his lies...
Contrary to popular belief, God never leaves us even though we've been dirtied by sin... just like a mother, who does not leave her baby eventhough the baby soiled itself... all it takes is for you to give out a cry from the bottom of your heart, telling Him that you've soiled yourself, and God will come and clean you up...
All you need is a step forward, and God will be more than wiling to embrace His beloved child... :)
Remember, God gave us free-will... so use it and turn back to Him... He will never reject those who call on His name...
Cheers...
yian: I think I just don't have the conviction enough to keep me moving. A part of me wants to grow. A part of me unwilling. I want to please God and be fulfilled in Him. But my heart is in 2 piece.
jc: I was cleansed by God over and over again... but its just sad that sometimes when I'm walking with Him, I saw the soil, I know its there, and *poom* I'm in it again.
I just feel so unworthy. Like in John 21:15-19, I just need to go to the point where I can say I agape God.
heart in 2 pieces...
not a good sign... I assume it's the incessant want to please God on one side but then sinning against God is just so enticing on the other side...
hhhmm... take the blue pill, or take the red pill...
the road to heaven is long and windy... very few travel on it...
the highway to hell... hhhmmm...
jc, I really like your last comment. You are so right....
As I read that....I smiled at how true it is...and my mind began to wander.....
The road to Kuantan (for example) is long and windy....you can see cars travelling in front and behind you, and many cars travelling back the way you came. Yet you push on....on that long journey, sometimes tiring, sometimes tough to overtake the obstacles on the way...but when you reach the beach....it's just beautiful, beyond description. I believe that Heaven is beautiful beyond description, and God is simply amazing....
The Christian walk can be hard sometimes, but we know that we are under God's hand, there's nothing we can do that will make God give up on us. We'll fall, we'll stumble, but there are always people there beside us.
But the highway to KL city is faster. More cars, but also more lanes, so you get to move faster. There are less obstacles along the way, you can drive fast. There are also more people beside you, and around you.
But when you get there, you see poverty, you see broken homes, you see drunkards, prostitution, beggars, people with no meaning in life. It's ugly. The trip was shorter, easier, faster, but there is nothing there.....
It is impossible for anyone to separate you from Christ except you yourself. Read Romans 8:38-39... not even life nor death can separate u from God! ;)
Remember this my friend, Jesus didnt give up on u on the Cross... He went thru the whole process, all the way for u without the thought of turning back thus Don't Give Up on Him!!! :D
Its like the heart and mind game. It depends on whether you wanna follow God's word and knowledge in your head or follow your heart's desire. Sometimes its so obvious that only God's way is the right way... But ignorance is such a bliss.
Well don't worry, I won't give up so easily. No way I'm taking the blue pill! (wait... Red pill is to Heaven right?) But i hope I won't fall again before I fly high with the Lord.
Anyway, thankyou all for your words of encouragement. I'll keep it close ;)
Only by Grace can we enter,
Only by Grace can we stand,
Not by our human endeavour,
But by the Blood of the Lamb
Into Your presence You draw us
And now by Your Grace we come
This is a song i remind myself often, that nothing i can do to make myself worthy of His love. But God loves me just because. There's no rhyme and reason for it.
I have to rule book for you on steps to follow to feel close to God, but all i can say is He has promised and He keeps His promises, He loves you and He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Now its your turn to make your promise to Him. Would you determine in your whole heart and mind, soul and strength that you'll love and follow Jesus forever? If you will, tell Him, and ask Him to help you keep that promise.
He loves you so much he gave you freedom to choose. Choose wisely.
;) Have a wonderful day, may it be showered with joy that comes from the Lord!
Well I think I can say to you "I understand".
I do understand your feeling, because at times I also felt like that. I felt bad inside. But I really thanks God that from the very begining God chose not to give up his hope on us, even if we're so smelly or whatever...
All I can say is never let your feeling occupy yourself, we all have feeling. But we need to know the truth. "The truth will set you free!!" Remember?
So don't stay in your little sad square, come out from that to see a bigger and better world.
God loves you as much as He loves me! (opps!! You see? It means he really loves you lah!!)
And BTW... I miss YOU too...
Lorraine.
Babylion & Dan: Sometimes the bible is quite confusing. Sometimes I think to myself, what if God only walks with us if we truly follow His words? What if in the end, we couldn't follow His standards? What if when we call His name in Heaven's Gate, he wouldn't let me in coz I'm a fake Christian who failed to live my life His way?
scary....
Lory: Mommy!! When are you coming to visit me??
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