I'm getting old and tired...

Is it that I'm getting older and weaker now? Or is it because that I've just started working?

Nowadays I felt that I'm not getting enough sleep. Every morning I feel awfully difficult to wake up, when I come home, I just felt like diving into slumberland, no energy for anything anymore.... not even on weekends!

Then I was wondering to myself.... how did I do it last time? I use to go out in the early mornings with my friends, shopping, chit chat, do things together whole day... and yet... I never seem to get tired. What's wrong with my body now!?

Urgh... I still have work to do... yeah I brought work home... and yet... I'm so tired....

Happy birthday Yian

hmm... how great. I arrived at work not feeling like doing any work :P

Last 2 days was quite a hectic... mainly because I just got assigned to research on something that I would have to present to the management in 2 weeks time, and that it was Yian's birthday yesterday! And I had to ask our colleagues about sharing her present without her knowledge. Phhewww... :) Happy birthday Yian!

So yeah, on Wednesday there were emails flying around our mail server, trying to coordinate who and what to buy. But of course, in the end, I was the one to get the present myself. Since she's my lawfully wedded sister! :D So after work, I walked up and down Mid Valley for the present, I arrived home only at 9.30pm and dropped dead on the sofa.

I think that's why I was so tired yesterday... and I couldn't really concentrate on my research... thinking of whether she would like the present... how would she react... how and when to give her the present... etc etc....

I bought her a Sigg bottle bag, a cute giraffe notebook and a christian book. She said she wanted to guess so I gave her hints like rough, smooth, heavy, light, colourful and etc etc... And do ya know! She actually guessed the Sigg bottle bag! haha! Well, great minds think alike! :P Anyway I'm just glad she liked the presents.

Now... back to work.... hmmmm............

My 1st accomplishment

hehe.... the feeling I am having now.....

..... is the feeling of self fulfillment :P

I've finished the 1st task that my team leader gave me -- to finish up the network operation procedure document. And my name is in the document! hehe... :P I was supposed to send a copy to all the operator and technical staff. I got so nervous I checked the document over and over again to ensure that it is error-free. In fact, I was still checking after I sent it! :P

I know its nothing lar.... sooner or later I'll have many many more tasks at hand. But the 1st always feels the best. :)

hmm... should I print out a hard copy to file it up?

I've lost it

I've lost it.

I've lost my connection with God.

Though I go to church every Sunday, I don't feel so close to Him anymore. Maybe its because of my sins. Maybe its because of my past failure to follow His words. Has God given up on me?

I know that as a Christian, we ought to grow up. From baby to children of God. But sometimes I just wish I could be a baby forever. Then I won't need to initiate conversation with other church members. Then I won't be tied down with church responsibilities.

I ran away.

I ran away from making the connection with other church members... and I've lost it.

I wish I could be more outgoing.

My sister called home just now. I'm so glad that she's getting more active in church and hangs out with church friends more often. She's a younger Christian than I am, and she still asks me about prayers and stuff. But somehow I felt that I have no right to teach anyone about Christ, since I'm not that good myself.

I miss Lorraine.

I love you Baby

I love my cat, named Baby. I can't really remember how old she is exactly, although I got her when she was still a baby. Some time more than 4 years ago, my dad picked her up from the longkang in front of my house. She was so cute and tiny, she could actually lie on my palm and sleep!

In my mind are full of memories of when she was young, when she ate her 1st meal, how proud I was when she knew where to do her 'business', when she was jumping around chasing the newspaper i made as her toy, gave birth to 2 cutie kittens named Sunny and Yianny.... After that, I went to Australia for 2.5 years. And I missed that stage of her life.... I missed her like crazy. Even had dreams of her and I wondered if she misses me. I know, I'm a cat lover freak!

Anyway cats are still cats. They are mou liong sum creatures. When you leave, they gracefully cat-walk away and move on with life.

When I came back from Aus, I ran to her and she ran away! SUCH a good pet! phooi! sigh... I guess cats are like that... So my strategy is that I shall feed and pamper her and she would loooovvvve me! muahahha.... yeah? But until now, she still prefers the attention from mom, even though mom doesn't really bother about her. When she 'meows' for attention, I gave her my attention, but she still 'meows' for attention.... from mom. urgh! Frustrating indeed!

But I guess the bond is made through time... and I can't complaint since I wasn't here most of the time for 2.5 years. So now, I could just hope I have another 2.5 years to gain that bond. Long live Baby!!

New Culture?

I still remember the experience clearly in my head. It was during my 1st year in Australia. Well, I was young and innocent.... and blur, I didn't know what was the sex expo all about. So out of curiosity, I followed my friends to a sex expo in Brisbane Convention Centre.

To my amazement, it showed me another 'world'. It was then I felt that those time when we use to giggle past 'I Need House' in Mid Valley, teasing friends about it, meant nothing. The place was filled with booths selling condoms, sex games, vibrators, sexy lingerie and many many more. They were even 2 huge dick and boobs 'walking' around the convention hall (with people in them of course, just like the mickey in Disney). People even took picture with it, probably to show their friends of the largest dick in the world, apparently.

Walking on further, we saw another kind of booth. I don't know what they call it, but there are mainly poles.... with girls wearing only a G-string playing around with it... then further on, there's another booth where you could take picture with topless girls, with their boobs practically next to your face... I mean very near lar. And one of my guy friend actually went and took photos with them, with his gf just beside us! There were even shows on the stage, dance, talks about sex and all.

Despite the fact that I felt awfully uneasy in there, I didn't regret that visit because somehow I felt that I understand the world a little more now. That was in Australia. But although we don't have sex expo in Malaysia, although government ban it all in the movies and music, its undeniable that sex culture is slowing seeping into our community.

I must admit I don't like the boob-flashing idea, as much as I dislike porn. And its true that even without flashing bloggers, one could easily access porn in the internet anyway. And when you think about it, it seems to make no difference to add one naked picture on the web isn't it? But imagine having millions of flashing-bloggers on the web........... I'll let you think about that one.

Well, some people think that flashing their boobs is alright. Some people think having one night stands are ok. But all the more, its their own life and we can't judge nor stand in their way. Even if you think that they're promoting wrong values.

One may think that its wrong to expose our bodies. But we don't need name calling, shouting vulgar languages and critics, do we? As much as the flashing boobs annoy me, I disrespect those who pick on them and stabs.

Xiao Bai

I drove my brand new Kelisa to work today! lalallala.... white in colour, it looks so clean and .... NEW! Put in my hillsongs cd and start to praise God!

God is great and his praise
Fills the earth, fills the heavens
And Your name will be praised
Through all the world

God is great sing His praise
All the earth, all the heavens
'Cause were living for the Glory of Your name
The Glory of your name

Holy is the Lord
The whole earth sings
The whole earth sings..................

And it started to rain... NOOoooo!!! Not on my brand new car!!! Sigh.... what can I do? Despite hoping that there'll be a giant umbrella above my car, I continued my journey to work. urgh... it'll be dirty soon enough anyway...

Red Antz Cafe

woohoo.. 2 new trainees came in today. Am I considered a senior now? kakakak... 1 week senior? junior senior? Haven't got the chance to get to know them yet. But we'll have much time to come wouldn't we? :)

For lunch, I went out with Yian to eat at around Sri Petaling. Val was suppose to join us but she wasn't feeling too well and ffk-ed. Sigh, nemind lor... there's always next time.

Anyway today's lunch was Vietnamese chicken chop with rice at Red Antz cafe. Apparently, it didn't turn out to be what I expected (normal brown pork chop colour I had in Aus). Instead it was a little red red de! I wonder whether it had anything to do with its shop name, Red Antz. :P It tasted good! Red Ants tastes yummy! Muahahah!

The shop's deco was quite nice too.... with a big red ant soft toy hanging from the ceiling and some red ants wall lamps by the side. Sound scary?? hahah... nahh.. they were rather cute actually. Just like those toys where they'd make the scariest things to be the cutest thing... you know what I mean. So there, a big, fat, cute, cuddly red ant hanging down from the ceiling in the middle of shop.

In real life, grab your aerosol can and spray!!!

My new car arrives tomoro!

Just one day more, and I won't need to take public transport to work anymore. Just one day more, and I won't need to hitch a ride from people all the time. Just one day more, and I'm free to go anywhere anytime! (Yes!!!) Just one day more, and I can drive my friends around places.

Yes! Just one day more, and it'll be the return of Xiao Bai!! (little white, the white starlet I had in Australia)

I can't wait to get my hands on the new Kelisa! :D

I hate arguments

There, it happened again. Even after we've broke up, it still happens. Even when we say we will try not to hurt each other ,it still happens.

Why??? Why must we always argue?? I was never a person who would easily argue with someone. My friend was even shocked to hear that I was argueing with someone. But what is it with him? Do we really have so much differences? From communication, background, religion, values, culture, thinking.... do we have nothing in common? Not even fit to be friends? Maybe like what he said, he's so used to having arguments, he doesn't ever seem to see the problem.

Curious about knowing what happened? I'll tell you all about it.

He told me a short romantic story, and the guy said something very sweet to his gf. I told him it was touching but those kind of guys are difficult to find. Then he said something like, girls leave before finding that out.

Do you agree? I don't. So I said, maybe girls didn't get what they wants from their relationship? Why would a girl leave if the guy is really that good? what good if he's sweet only once in a blue moon and not all the time?

Then he said something like, he's been into enough experience to know that relationship is not all about wanting. And after meeting and talking to more girls, he believe that most girls are selfish with what they want.

Am I being too sensitive to be offended with what he said? If its true that most girls are selfish, then are guys not selfish as well? Am I too sensitive to think that he is actually discriminating me? Am i too sensitive to think that he feels that I don't know anything about relationships? innocent kid'o?

I'm tired of all this. Tired of arguments. Tired of ppl making me feel down.

Foooood......

Just the fourth day and I realize I could really get fat sitting in office everyday. Every now and then, you would see me searching for food to munch on! For 2 days, I brought sausage buns and biscuits. All would be finished by the end of the day. And of course I do go for lunch with my colleagues too. It wouldn't be long after lunch that I start my crave again. But the cravings doesn't just stop there! When I come home, I start looking for food to munch :P

Soon I'm thinking of food that I could stock up in my locker... junk, sweets, biscuits, preserved fruits, chocolate, char siu pao, loh mai kai, curry puff....... wahhhh..... *dreaming*.... soon I'll have my own fridge here Muahahah!!

hehe... I think this is actually good for me. I really should gain some weight since a lot of people commented that I've grown thinner these few days... I don't know why myself! But my weight is still the same... 39kg. Shocking? hahhaha! So yeah! Come on fats! I'm not scared of ya! More! More!

My taste of working life

Well, its already my 3rd day of working in DKSH network team with 2 seniors. Here's a summary of what happened these 3 days....

Day 1 :

Network team leader briefed me a little about the company structure, network structure, and all software and security mechanism used. He also took me into the server room (cold room) to show me the servers, switches, firewalls and routers. They have intensive security system -- they scan his eyes before we could go in! Cool.... Even Yian never been in there! muahahaha... My senior, Ricky have also introduced me to the entire office..... I couldn't remember anyone's name except Yian :| After that my senior got me to help him patch a telephone line in the cold room. So there, we went in again. And I went for lunch with Ricky and his gang.

What happened after that was hectic! Not for me, but for Ricky. He configured something wrongly on the firewall and it blocked all connections from the internet! Gosh... he did everything he could to troubleshoot the firewall. Me, being the new, good trainee, sat down quietly on my own and did my own things. Luckily they found the problem shortly after. But he would still had to answer to the boss. As for me, on my 1st day, no laptop, no books, no stationary, nothing. So I spent most of my time reading company magazine over and over again.

2nd day :

I got my laptop today!! yahoooo! No more boring days! :P Then Ricky taught me how to bind my notebook to an ip, and to add my ip to the proxy. And I also helped patch the telephone for my trainee colleague. Still nothing much to do since they won't let a trainee play around with the configurations. Instead my team leader gave me a documentation assignment to do about network operations procedure. Boring task... just thinking of how to write, type, think, type, a bit of research, type.... zzzz.......

Today :

I was nearly late for work coz I missed the Komuter and the LRT feeder bus was late. Luckily nobody said anything :P Didn't do much at work except for the documentation assignment.

Now that I've started working.... it feels that I don't spend so much time at home anymore. When I get home, I'm already tired and don't feel like doing anything. sigh... I missed those times when I goyang kaki at home all day hehe.... But of course I can't be doing that anymore..... If not mom will 'ngum' again! arh!

Crap mood

I'm in a crappy mood tonight. Donno why....

Maybe PMS.
Maybe lack of sleep.
Maybe past few days of running around burnt most of my sugar and left me sour.
Maybe because of the housework and nagging from mom.
Maybe because I misplaced 2 things earlier which cause me to search frantically everywhere for them.
Maybe I'm just worried about my job.
Maybe I need someone here to cheer me up.
Maybe I'm lonely.

Whatever it is, I hope it'll all be better when I wake up in the morning. Good night.

Interview tips

I've been through it and I know its best to get yourself prepared before each interview. Thanks to the tips given in this website. They have tips on how to prepare for commonly asked questions, what to do, what not to do, how to dress.... from interviewers' point of view.

Pretty good for me. I hope it works well for you too! Good luck to all!

I got offered!!!

'haaaaahahahhahaahahahaaaahahahahah!!! omgomgomgomgomgomg!!!' That was my reaction (after I put down the phone) when I first got the news! hahaha! Too bad no one was around to share my happiness.... only my baby(cat).... hehehe! I bet she was wondering why I was jumping and screaming about! :P I seriously thought I didn't do that well in the interview! I had actually told myself not to think about it anymore, and that it would never come..... but IT DID!!! HAHAHAHAH!!! I got an offer from DKSH! Can you believe it Yian?? hahaha!!

phew.... I got that call when I was on my way out to attend my test in Kelana Jaya.... causing me to be half an hour late :P Of course I didn't arrive late, just that I had planned to arrive earlier. :D Anyway, today's test was actually an offer for me by PSMB(Pembangunan Sumber Manusia Berhad, some government thingy) to take a free Aptech Certified Computer Professional(ACCP) programme at Imperia Institute of Technology(that's where I had my test).

1st, let me tell you a little bit about the programme. Its actually to help unemployed graduates and to train us to be a software programmer mainly in the area of .NET and J2EE, which is much needed in the market. Candidates would attend classes for 5-6 months in Imperia Institute of Technology and to submit a project at the end. The course covers topics such as web designing, client server programming, advanced programming, specialization in .NET and J2EE, system administration, and software engineering. Then, PSMB will place candidates in IT companies for practical training for 3 months. The course actually costs RM13,000! Its not only given free to candidates, they would also be paid a monthly allowance of RM500 during that 8 months!

Anyway I took the 2-hour test asking logical questions, maths, Java and technical questions. It is pretty tough.... considering I haven't answered those kind of math and logical questions since high school, and hadn't touched Java since 2nd year Uni. :P Well, if I passed the test, they will set me up for an interview with the PSMB people.

Its a really good opportunity for me to brush up my programming skills, isn't it? Free, and being paid. Its very good indeed!

But.....

I'm really not sure about going back to study.... in programming? hmmm.... the girl told me imported Indian lecturers would teach the class. But the study environment there is not something I would prefer. And the place is also very far from my house. Furthermore, only RM500 compared to ~RM2000 salary per month? (haha! I am indeed money minded!)

On my way home, I received a call from HSBC asking me to take a test online.... saying that there's a job opening that they thought i might be interested. Banks... where my mom would love me to work at.

Urgh.... how can I decide whether to accept or turn down offers? I wish they could all come together so that I could pick and choose easily. Too many jobs get me confused :( I need a job consultant now!

Blogging

After 4 interviews and 1 unofficial 'interview' in the past week, I've done many self evaluations of my own presentation... noting down their questions and how I could have answered better...

One of their question was 'What do I do to deal with pressure and stress?' Not suprisingly, the word 'blogging' came to my mind. Of course I didn't tell them that, I wouldn't want to have to give them my address and rush home to erase everything here! :P But its true... my blog spot had somehow became my way of opening myself, to let go of my pressures, or to better explain it.... 'fatt sitt ji gei' (in cantonese, how to explain this word in english?)

People had their own ways with blogs, political affairs, news, sex, you name it. For me, I have a simple life and I blog about what I feel in my simple life. Many times when I feel lonely, sad, angry... when I feel that no one understands, I blog... and hope to find someone to understand me. Maybe some people wouldn't like my blog, think that I'm boring, lame or whatever. But that's me on the inside. If you don't like my blog, means you wouldn't like me. Make sense?

One of my friend think that I shouldn't blog so much about my personal life. He felt that it made people more aware of my weaknesses... the negative side of me. Maybe that's true. Maybe it would make people think negative thoughts of me too, would it?

I was normally quiet during open discussions. I like to sit around and listen to what people have to say... also mainly because I don't have anything to say. I remembered one time, a friend came to me and said something like, I should be more confident of myself. Everyone is unique at their own thinking. If I was asked to speak at any topic, she was sure I would have something useful to say......

We weren't close friends or anything and we don't know each other that well. But she sure did say something that made me feel..... useful. And that the things I say, meant something.

Well, its true isn't it? Everyone has their own way of thinking. Who's to say when they're right or wrong?

Interview update

Well, I went to the 'interview' at Manpower on Tuesday. Like what Jared said in my previous post comment, it wasn't really an interview... but rather assessing my skills to see if they fit any job vacancies available. My contact person made me go through some tests... nothing that hard... but the whole process went on for 4.5 hours! They were some management skill tests, typing test and proofreading test.

After all tests, she 'interviewed' me... and she introduced a job for me.... working in a frontline Microsoft call centre team, troubleshooting Microsoft products catering for callers from Australia and New Zealand. The company is Datacom South-East Asia. The job would be a 6 months contract with 3-5 weeks of classroom training. They would also provide me with free Microsoft professional courses after the 6 months contract. Although a networking job would fit my interest more, but I guess this would be good for my 1st job experience. So I told her I'll give it a try, and she said she could make an interview appointment for me with that company (which happened on Thursday) that would be a tele-conference interview with a guy (Michael) from Sydney. hahaha... I know, I couldn't believe it myself when I first heard it. Tele-conference interview with an Australian?! That's something I've never had before! Have you? Anyway I went home that day smiling to myself, wondering what have I gotten myself into! :P

On Thursday, I went for the interview. Happened that it wasn't exactly the type of tele-conference I was thinking about. No big screen showing Michael and his office.... just a telephone. aiks.... I was a little disappointed, but I guess that helped make me less nervous. I did my very best to answer all questions to promote my strengths and knowledge. I hope they thought well of me. And I hope they would give me an answer soon....

So far, I haven't got anymore interviews coming up. Maybe I should look for non-IT jobs to fill up my time... or maybe go for some classes... recommendation?